In the riding world, someone who is called a fair weather rider are the guys that check the weather, stick their head out their house window and see how sunny it’s going to be. Only if it’s sunny enough, bright enough, warm enough…will they ride that day. If it’s not fair weather…they are taking the car that day.
Get it? Fair weather rider.
I write about this because it stuck with me for a bit. They only want the feel of the road and bike when it’s bright and sunny out. When it’s nice. This means that they never really learn how to ride their bike in lightning, rain and wind. They don’t know what it’s like to ride out in freezing cold or scalding heat. The feeling of needing to ride in the tire tread of the big rig that is right in front of you when it’s snowing.
In that moment, I also couldn’t stop thinking about how this translates to relationships. I believe that too many people think that it will always be blue skies and sunshine. They get sold on the relationship as always being an easy ride. They say, “but we never fight…we agree on everything” and although I believe some can have this type of relationship…most of us do not. In fact, many people when they sense a fight coming on will avoid it, hide or do whatever they can to save face. To not ride in the bad weather.
The fact is that you will always hit increment weather…and the more experience you’ve had or have in those situations…the better equipped you are to ride out the storm.
I’m not saying that you need to fight…but I am saying that you need to learn to do a few things. First, develop a sense of self control. That means do the reflective work that needs to be done in your life…because you will affect others. Next, learn to find your balance…but more than that…prepare to be thrown off of your balance. This is why when riding we learn to differentiate between reacting to situations and responding to them. There has to be an understanding of this. With a relationship, it’s no different. Develop an understanding of when you should react to what is happening and when to respond to what is happening.
Lastly, it’s when it’s bright and sunny in a relationship that you should be asking the tough questions or expressing yourself. Learn to talk to your partner about your habits when you’re angry. Talk to them about when you need space or when you want them near. Explain to them what triggers you and what you need to calm down. The more prep work you do in the light…the more prepared you are in the dark.
This is like carrying your rain gear on your bike. You may not always need it, but when the storm comes in…you’ll be happy you have it.
Oh…one more thing. Remember that love isn’t always a sunny day. Sometimes it’s a tornado…dark, cold and destructive. Love is far from perfect…it wasn’t ever meant to be, by the way. And if you thought it was meant to be, you'll end up striving for perfection and when you don't attain it...you’ll only end up believing that you’re the one who is broken.
We get caught up in the thought that love is this “perfect day”. So when we end up looking for it and can’t find it…we blame ourselves because we’ve always been told that love is beautiful, fair and perfect. And that ladies and gentlemen is unfair. Maybe you are not the broken one. Maybe love is.
So what is the only thing we can do?
Ride it out…ride it out.