A couple months ago I said goodbye to another set of interns. It’s funny…I think about the how interns come into the room with me and what they want to bring. Most come in with a sense of what therapy is and cannot understand how they have a part in it. More than that, how their part is composed of the colors that have made up their life…some of which have been too dark for them to see.
Short one
Tall one
Yellow
Red
Brown
Africa
Green
Fandego
Late entry
When I think about the work I do with interns I cannot help but imagine ourselves as sculptors working on the same canvas. I see us as artists who together will chip away and throw out and redefine the things about them that have held them back.
The things that make them who they are today, the foundations of where they are from, and the lessons they have learned from therapy school, are held with such strength, that the cost of maintaining these habits and beliefs hinder their ability to be who they are.
They seek to transform their patients and offer support without understanding that in order to walk people down this hard path of change and growth, they first must understand who they are and what they bring. I’m talking about their gifts, their madness, their values, and their understanding of life.
You see the real “people work” doesn’t come from the theories they know, the grades they get, or how impressive their resume is…the real work comes from making a real relationship and connection. That’s the binding of the book. The fuel in the car.
You see, the only way to make a real relationship is to bring your utmost honest self. The broken one, the strong one, the real one. That’s the one that people connect to…that’s the one the moves people. Your theories describe people, but your soul and humanness moves them.
During your time you have learned a lot about yourselves…most of you run away from it and there are times when you can’t stand to hear or face the cracks in you that both make you beautiful and so very annoying. The trick isn’t about mending them, or having the scar heal over so nothing is left, it’s about using them.
I realize that for the readers that are here, they may not completely understand how this may relate to them…but the truth is that it does. You don’t need a degree, license or fancy resume to move people. You don’t need to know every theory, you don’t need to know everything about a person. You only need to know who you are. Change the world by changing yourself. Move the world by breathing your own soul. More than your favorite color or past time. Knowing who you are demands an understanding of the deeper parts of yourself. Owning what you fear, knowing your values, knowing what moves you, being able to stand the most revolting parts of yourself despite how much you want to run away from them. It is only when you own who you are that you will connect more deeply to others.
This will make you a better partner, a better father, mother, sibling, friend…human. When you do this, you will find relationships to be deeper and held stronger. You will not feel the need to hide or protect, as you are acting as the most authentic version of you that you are and when we are the most authentic version of us…others will feel it and connect to you.