Find the one who knows your rules and helps you rewrite them.
It’ll happen quickly. You could be in the shower…driving your car…or taking a poop. You will not necessarily be thinking about it but somehow…someway…the thought pops into your head. You feel at ease and exhilarated at the same time. Your heart beats slower…then faster…then at your will. It becomes a gentle rhythm behind your place.
You figure you out. The thought itself seems almost mythical. The fantasy…untouchable. In simply a moment you have figured out parts of yourself and like a lighting bolt…things make sense. You have learned who you are. Now, I’m not talking about your waist size, weight or height…that stuff is always known and acts as a ruler to compare to others. What I’m talking about is the good stuff. The real stuff. The stuff that makes you pop…makes you sing…makes you dance. I’m talking about the stuff that others have always “seen” in you but only a couple can actually name. I’m talking about soul. At some point, you find it. Although we cannot see soul…I believe that like a black hole…although we cannot see it, measure it or know that it is there…we understand it’s presence through the effect it has on other things around it. Soul is like that. You cannot necessarily measure it…You can only see it’s effects. It’s movement and power on others. That’s soul. One day, you will get a glimpse of it. You’ll feel it. It’s quite hard to explain but you’ll just understand yourself. You’ll understand why you do certain things…why you move the way you do…why you can sit alone and be okay…why you choose to find flavor in food rather than the way it looks. You’ll find yourself attracted to beauty in different ways. You’ll know what you want. You’ll know what is good for you and what is not. You’ll understand what helps you grow rather than stall you. And most importantly…damn…life opens up differently. Your perspective will change. You will realize something. You will begin to really breathe…with intention. You will live. Every single moment that you have will then make goodbyes hard. You will fall in love. Not with something or someone…but with everything and everyone. The only explanation of it all is that you have now fallen in love with yourself…with your life. This does something to a person. It makes every moment and every bit of life…inspiring. That doesn’t come from a person…that comes from a soul. Here’s the thing…you’re not alone in it either. Others are there. Others know the look. Know the feeling. They have the soul that sees yours. And as you start to know you…others will notice it. Your walk, the way you drive, the things that stop you, the weird facial expressions you do. Everything becomes a selfie and those with soul can read it. Not only will they read it…they will do whatever they can to blow it up. To light it on fire. To burn it bright. It is those people that you then need to be around. Those that heat you up…not burn you down. Those who never treat you like you’re ordinary. What does it mean when they try to burn you hotter? The process of soul development is hard. You will teeter between restlessness and ease. Manic energy and depressive angst. But those who really “see” you will do something to you. They will help put your insecurities to sleep. Starve your fears and move you to fly. To be destroyed in the most beautiful way possible. We owe ourselves that. Most of the time we cannot help but feel like we are at the mercy of life…that life holds a tattoo needle constantly poking us. Hurting us. Jabbing us. Bleeding us. This leaves marks. It leaves stains. Scars. Pain. It breeds a victim. People who develop and learn of their soul decide that they are not on the chair…that they instead are the artist doing the work. They switch from being tortured to making art in their life. They will decide that the best memories in life were not from their desk chair but were moments of being alive. Because existence is easy…it’s given. But being alive is earned. It’s built. And to be alive…one must have soul. This means it’s time to own who you are. Time to own what you want and what you bring to the table. It means honesty. Accepting where you are weak and working towards growth. Owning what turns you on and what you want to fill your days with. It means pushing aside people that take from you and finding those that give. Surround yourself with trailblazers and those of authenticity. Climb that goddamn mountain. Having perfected our disguise we spend our lives searching for someone we don’t fool.
Isn’t that a kick in the ass. Your lives have been a collection of sorts. You have been built by family, by friends, teachers, mentors, neighbors, religion, and TV. All this influence does something to us. It’s forces us to retreat. Passively and secretly you have perfected the ultimate disguise. You have learned to hide. Very well. We go along our days thinking that all is fine. Thinking that we are whole and complete all the while working and going through our day to day. You’ve become great at it. It requires no thinking, no general senses, no major thought. But then something happens. A death in the family, a trauma you suffer, the heartbeat and warmth of a person you hug…something moves in you. Suddenly, you don’t feel the same. Suddenly the world doesn’t seem the same. Just like that, you realize that the disguise you have been wearing has a small hole in it. A tiny peephole into the person you are. Into the person that you have been trying to hide. Your family doesn’t seem the same. Your relationships feel different. And you stand scratching your head wondering how you got here. Sure…the waves of your emotions come and go but for some reason you find yourself drowning, now. You see, the disguises we wear were built for certain things. The cognitive behaviorists out there call them schemas. We have developed an understanding of how things are meant to be and how we are meant to act…despite not wanting to…sometimes not even knowing. Some have become the person that is more willing to care for others at the cost of who they are and the values/non-negotiables they have. Caring for people and putting them first isn’t the issue…it’s when you do it at the cost of your own life and feelings…over and over again…but I digress…kinda. In the end, I believe that people “settle” too much. They find people or things that allow them to wear their disguise without much of a fight. They get into the wrong relationships…they take on the wrong jobs….they put themselves into situations and with other people that they know they can get away with while wearing this mask. The path of least resistance. This here lies the problem. We then go through the motions and follow the “plan” developed but this is what leads to the soft underbelly of emotional or internal discomfort. The outside layers of paint start to chip off…the base coat starts to show. We start to question things. It’s time to take a stand. Rip off the layers. Shed the skin. No more well rounded, aim to sharpen the edges. Show your foundation and be moved by somebody or something that sees who you are. Something or someone that isn’t tricked by you. That isn’t fooled by you. That sees who/what you are and makes a drive to enhance it. To make it better. To make it grander. Even if you have the awful habit of farting when falling asleep. You have a responsibility to the inner layers. You must make the choice to be seen for who you are and what you feel/believe. Yes, you will hurt people. Yes, you may lose people…but the cost is less than the reward because the reward is you. The “you” that you never knew you always were. |
Quick Pick!
May 2024
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