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People spend way too much time thinking about ways that they need to fix themselves. Now I’m not talking about growth and change…that’s different…I’m talking about those who spend time nit-picking, refusing to give themselves credit, and generally ignoring any positive achievements they do. How horrible. You are the greatest critic of yourself, positive or negative, and I guarantee that you probably use the majority of that time counting/thinking of the ways you are not good enough. That’s the difference between a cheerleader and an armchair quarterback. One supports, holds and rides the game out with you- through the good or bad. The other nit-picks, finds where you failed or should have done better, and compares you to others. You cannot have both at the same time, and unfortunately, too many of you prefer to have the armchair quarterback the majority of the time, rather than the cheerleader. So what does that do to you? Not having the cheerleader out is like having a T-Rex tap dancing on your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. It hurts, it breaks, and in time it destroys. No two things can exist at the same time in the same place. Try it. Try thinking of the mathematical answer to 237 x 34 while also singing “God Bless America” in your head. Can’t do it? Well…you’re not alone. The fact is that although some of you may be able to do it- the majority of people cannot. So what? So…use your inner voice to support and hold you, not break you down and attack. Use your voice to offer care and love, rather than anger and criticism. You can only hold one voice in your head at a time. Choose to voice love to yourself. One more thing… If there is anything I’ve learned from going to war (figuratively/literally) and working in this profession it’s this…It’s a big, big, world out there and the truth is that you will not get love and support from it…very often. Sorry. You won’t. The majority of the time; anger, hate, and unfairness will be showered on you. You have to be the one that voices love for yourself. You have to be the one that freshens your life because that’s your responsibility to yourself. I promise that you will get enough criticism from others…heck, most of you know that…but too many of you don’t balance it out by offering love to yourself. We all need more cheerleaders in our life. …and mini-skirts. (had to add this in) For too many people, happy is a concept that seems like a fantasy. It’s something that is filled with promises of rainbow unicorns that shit out fruity pepples and millions of dollars. A concept that has gathered so much that’s attached to it, many find it impossible. I don’t blame them. Really think about it…for many of the readers out there…you could probably list out at least 5 things that irritated or stressed you from yesterday to today but would have difficulty finding a good 2 things that make you incredibly happy from yesterday to today. Right? So what’s the deal? Why can’t we find that sense of fruity pebble unicorn happy? I think this lies in our definition and understanding of happy. The trick to learning happy is to get rid of your definition of happy. The reason why it ends up being so hard is because we all create this weird image and definition of what happy will look and feel like. Normally passed onto us by family that ends up being mixed with television ads, social desire to fit in and billboards that get all chop suey together. This results in the fantasy of happy ending up being something we have to chase after. Something that we end up running after. The problem with that? If we’re always in the mindset of chasing and running after something…like happy…we refuse to find it in what we already have- get it? We’re too busy chasing. So how to you start? Stop placing happy next to a million dollar Ferrari, perfect home and six figure salary. Start to place happy next to "not feeling sad." Yep. That’s right folks. The simple way to start is to redefine your “happy” to a state where you are, "not sad." That’s it. That’s your babystep. Start with noticing when you are not sad, stressed, tired or irritated. Now take that feeling of “not sad” and multiply it in your daily life. Find ways to multiply it…blow it up…carry it. It’s like finding a penny in the street. Just one penny doesn’t matter, but overtime those little moments and pennies add up. Eventually you have that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow pooping unicorn. Most human beings do not like ambiguity; it makes them uncomfortable. The hallmark of a creative thinker is a willingness to accept ambiguity, embrace discomfort, and focus on the promise of possibility. Rather than rush back to what is familiar, the creative mind lingers, trading comfort for potential.
-Landor Associates I believe that much of our life is about looking for home. Home. What a weird idea. One of the most imaginal concepts that we all know...but cannot quite describe. Now, I'm not just talking about a place to lay your head. I'm talking about that feeling you get. That feeling you get when you get home, strip off all your clothes and walk around nude. That emotion and feeling of being absolutely free. That's what home is. It's a freedom to be who you are. A clubhouse. A safe space. It is our sense of who we are. A place that we defend. A place so strong that it calls us to revisit, good or bad. A place that we credit for who we are. Finally, in the end, the place we have to leave...in order to find a new one. One that is ours. One that we call our own. One that is redefined to fit who we are. That's the problem though, isn't it? Home isn't something that can necessarily be defined for everyone. Some people would call good friends that they share stories with, home...or a place where their teddy bear lives while away from their bed...or even, out on the road away from all others surrounded only by the company of their thoughts. That for them, is home. You see though, in these cases they at least can understand what it can feel like. The problem with many other people is that they don't know what that type of freedom is. They don't know what home is. Their home is lost- because of that, they are lost. These are the people that seek relationships in bars. They are the ones that spend their time bragging about their latest new toy or girl they laid because for them, attention, drama, and numbers are the closest thing they feel to home. That is their only sense of security. You see, those things are safe for them, because they don't have to show their true selves. They can hide behind all these things. This homelessness in people draws them to extremes. It draws them to run away from home. To complain about family. To assassinate their inner child. To do whatever it takes to fulfill what they believe is home. For some reason, these are the ones that end up going to ALL the wrong places expecting to find the right thing. Sigh. Here's your challenge. Today I have made you homeless. BAM! Done. Homeless. Your job? Find, define, and go home. Already have a home you say? Challenge yourself to refine it. For the rest of you, define it. Is it with friends that you can fart openly with? Is it a place where you can live in your thoughts? Is it in her eyes? Is it your baby squeezing your hand? Focus not on objects or things...but on the emotion that can make you feel free. Once you have found it. Keeping visiting it. Keep going there. Because when you find your home, you'll know it. |
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May 2024
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