Why do decisions have to be so hard to make? Sometimes we come to a crossroads where we are given choices…sometimes just two…sometimes more. But how many times have you been given some choices and instead of just simply deciding…end up adding more and more to the arguments of each one- making it almost impossible to choose. Let me give you an example…
I had a patient recently tell me this…she says,
“you know why it takes forever for women to get packed for a trip or outing?”
Of course my face told it all…heck…I wanted to know this answer! I needed to know it! Please tell me.
She says,
“Well…there is a check list that we women have to go through…
1. What’s the weather where we are going?
2. What will go with my hair?
3. What’s the occasion?
4. How much walking is involved?
5. Are there going to be any women there that will are cuter than me?
6. Are there going to be articles of clothing that will be cuter than mine (shoes), that others will be wearing?
7. What will my mood be like that day?
8. What is my mood today?
I laughed loudly. I couldn’t believe it. She assured me that it was true.
She says, “when you men pack…all you worry about is weather. But really…all you worry about is whether or not you should cover yourself from your elbows to your wrists or your knees to your ankles…meaning, ‘should you wear a long or short sleeve shirt, a pair of shorts or a pair of pants. You bring a pair of dress shoes if needed and a toothbrush…maybe toothpaste.”
She got me. It was funny. It was true.
But what that did was get me thinking. Where else do we do this? Where do we take something and blow it up to the point where we nitpick and hyperfocus on all the extraneous details while forgetting the point?
Think of weddings. I believe that far too many people get so lost in the details and having things just…so…perfect… that they forget that the point is the union and the tradition. Not the color of table cloths, the number of flowers needed at each section or even who attends. Although for some, those things are important…that isn’t the point- the point is celebration of your love, your choice.
This is the same for relationships and dating. I feel that far too many people nitpick at so many things about a potential partner…they hyper-focus on their job, their car, their clothing…they miss what is important and what matters- the person and connection.
So what do you do? You take yourself into the future.
You need to take a moment to see the bigger picture…er…I meant, the lasting picture. You need to take a moment to transport yourself in the future...oh...10 years or so should do it.
What do I mean?
I mean that you need to pull out of the moment and ask yourself what you will really care about and remember about the event in 10 years. I guarantee that if you do that…you will make the decisions that matter, you will experience things deeper, spend less energy in the wrong places and be happier.
Use this line, “When I look back at ______________ in 10 years.”
Some examples…
When I look back at the first date I had with that girl in 10 years, I will not care to remember if she had red or white wine that night. I will not care to remember if she wore a dress or skirt. I will not care that some high schooler served us stale bread. All I will care about is how hard she made me laugh and how much I wanted to make her do the same- that matters.
When I look back at my wedding in 10 years…I will not care to remember the random boyfriend or girlfriend of someone that came. I will not care to remember the fabric feel of my table cloths. Hell, I will not care of the gifts I was given or those that skimped out and didn’t bother. All I will care about is how beautiful of a gift my wife was- that matters.
When I think about my work in 10 years, I will not care about some jerk ass that blew up on me. I will not care about the water cooler drama or that people spend too much time talking about “Twerking”. I will not even care about or remember some person that cut me off in traffic. Shit, I will not even care that I ran late to work or even skipped out a bit early every so often. All I will care about is that in 10 years, I heard back from a person that had to thank me, because I touched them- that matters.
When I think about my life in 10 years. I will not care about the car I drove, the amount of parties I went to, the number of drinks I had, the worry on things that didn’t matter, or that guy or girl that turned me down. All I will care about is that I am alive, that I am loved, and that I can love- that matters.
That matters.