I reflect all the time. The amount of time that I spend reflecting and thinking about what is happening around me, and to me, creates these moments in my day where I get this quick existential threat and fear. I get grumpy...regularly. I get irritated very easily...I get upset and bothered by sometimes that smallest things which reminds me that I probably have to take a moment to myself in order to "get it together." I suppose this whole thought came to me as I was thinking about how I was thinking ...how I was feeling...how I was reflecting. It kind of dawned on me that everyday...for the last many years....my day-in and day-out has been just a really long conversation about how I am doing.
The boss walks in and I sense the movement in my body....the patient stares at me awkwardly and I question what I did...the donut shop person has a frown on today and I start questioning my role in the matter. I'm not trying to say that I am having these moments of narcissism or that I am responsible for any of these things...but instead I am pointing out the fact that perhaps I'm just in a very long conversation about how I am doing. Think about your own life...how many conversations...ideas...thought surf sessions have you had today? Was it how you felt? What it what that person did? Was it wondering what was going to be expected of you today from your relationships? For me...I have these every day....for you...you should too. How many times a day do I look at my ever growing belly...how many times a day do I judge myself for something....how many times a day do I make assumptions about what people are judging me about....all wrong...all false...all so much easier to buy into than what is actually happening. Speak well about yourself. Complement who you are and celebrate something about you felt or who you felt it with. Spread emotion out and stretch for others to move you. Speak words that make you laugh inside...and hold onto the beliefs that lift you up. Don't fill your head with words that take away from experience...seek out and feed yourself the thoughts that make experience.
oh...and write more....*hint *hint to myself...