Move in real quick. Let me tell you one of my secrets.
The goal is never to win arguments with your partner. The goal is never to beat them. The goal should not involve one-upping them or making your point the Christmas tree topper.
The moment you choose yourself to win…that’s the moment that they lose. When you start counting points and put yourself on top…you automatically put them on the bottom. That instance when you’re winning at tug-o-war with someone you love…is the moment you’re about to flatten them into the mud.
And that is the wrong mindset.
In relationships, you will NEVER win, if that means that they have to lose.
Let that sink in.
If you choose to share space and time with people, know that they can become part of you…and you a part of them. So deeply can you learn and be with one another that if you focus on just winning and defeating them...then why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that is beaten?
Why be in a partnership with someone that is broken?
Flattened in the mud?
If you weaken your partner, your relationship…you weaken your unit.
…and in turn, you weaken yourself.
Partnership is about moving into the world at our best. Because anyone alive or dead knows that the world is a dark, dark place. It's hard. You always need your goose to the maverick. You always need someone to cover your back…to watch your flanks. At the very least, to know the answers to happy hour trivia questions you never knew you had to know.
You don’t have that in a wounded partner.
You don't have that in a deflated partner.
You don't have that in someone you always beat.
I think we’ve all heard some iteration of this line…
“I’ll take care of you…if you take care of me”
Here’s the deal. It’s not wrong…it’s just missing some stuff.
The better line would be…
“I’ll take care of myself to the highest potential I can be, for me….and share that with you…if you take care of yourself to the highest potential you can be, for you…and share that with me.”
Doesn’t roll off the tongue as well…yeah…I know.
But make that pact.
Spit on your hand and shake on it.
Because if you do the math…here’s what you find…if I become an ever greater version of myself, an ever more mature and engaged person in the world, an ever more powerful being than I am now…that automatically means that my partner wins.
In turn, if I then build my partner up to their highest potential. To an ever greater version of who they are…to a light that is the brightest that the world has ever seen…then I get to bask in it…I get to let that light brighten my darkest days. Because they will come.
And if they are truly that greater version…they will gladly lighten my dark moments.
No questions asked.
No receipt required.
No hesitation.
So, I’ll make you a deal. Aim for this. That’s the goal. Building up is always harder than breaking down. But do it. Demand more of yourself and push to be the greatest version that you can be. Then surround yourself with people that want growth and are willing to clean the mud off your chin.
You do that and you both win. Every damn time.
Deal?